fifty stupid shades

so, i've been terrible about reading... my new years resolution is out the window, but saige got me a kindle for my bday (i could do a whole post on my feelings about e-readers, but that's for another day friends) and i'm trying to get back on reading track. my first kindle book was the much discussed "mommy porn" fifty shades of grey. well, i could give you fifty reasons why i hated this book. it is the worst book that i have read in a long, long time. why in the world has this book gotten so much attention? anyways... below is my review (really just some thoughts), there might be spoilers... i don't know, there is no real plot, so it doesn't really matter. 

let me start by telling you my biggest book pet peeve... when authors don't take the time to learn about their own characters. if you are going to write a book about a 40 year old married woman in the 1970's... then you better go talk with someone who fits that profile. this book takes place in 2011, and the main character is in her early twenties, about to graduate from college. but she doesn't talk like that... and she doesn't act like that... and she doesn't have an email address!!! you can not even be enrolled in college without an email address. this is the main character of the book! do ten seconds of research on current day college grads. go hang out with a college aged person... and realize how off your character is and fix it! 


so... the sex scenes. yes, so scandalous. i guess. except... if you have read one of them, you have read them all. they seriously felt copied and pasted. by the end of the book, i just felt annoyed that they were having sex AGAIN and doing nothing to move the plot forward. 


i feel so nervous for teen girls reading this book. what is going on lately with these weak girls obsessed with their male counterpart in totally unhealthy ways? if you thought twilight was bad... this is one million times worse. maybe one billion. the male lead is a total creeper and the girl (who goes into this wacko relationship a prudie mcpruderson virgin) just takes the crazy. she can't look him in the eyes during sex, or touch him, or use his name... oh, and he hits her. so, that's good. i haven't read the other two books in this series, but i am willing to wager that the creeper is going to be changed by the girl... because he loves her so much. um, that does not happen in real life. if your boyfriend hits you because it makes him feel good... that's bad. very bad. just writing this down is making me feel stressed about it. again... why do people like this book?!


i feel like everybody i know who has read this book, thought it was good. i disagree. i wouldn't recommend it. i know people are going to read this and go read the book because of what i wrote. that's okay... tell me what you think. i really am interested. also, somebody tell me how the series ends because i seriously can't deal with two more books. oh! also the author never uses appropriate terms for genitals. she calls it her "sex". really? in an erotica novel? just... it's too much.